Quoting Life
by Ceila
Summary: Set during Mamoru and Usagi's breakup. (Complete)


Disclaimer: I do not claim to own Sailor Moon or any of the quotes used in this work of FanFiction. Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko-san and the quotes belong to each person respectfully.  
  
***** ***** ***** 09/05/02  
  
Quoting Life  
  
By Ceila  
  
***** ***** *****  
  
"Some people grumble because roses have thorns. I am thankful that thorns have roses." Karr  
  
"Mamo-chan why?" asked Usagi as she tried in vain to hold back the tears in her eyes.  
  
"I don't love you anymore. I'm sorry but I don't want to see you again," said Mamoru as he turned and walked away.  
  
"But I still love you Mamo-chan."  
  
"Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in." Robert Frost  
  
I ran through the streets blindly leaving a trail of silver tears behind me. Why do bad days always have to build upon themselves to become worse days? First I had been late to school, nothing new there. Haruna sensei was extremely strict and had given me an hour of detention. Again nothing new. Then I go a 25% on my English test and that was after studying! Mom wasn't too happy about that one.  
  
"Usagi you need to start trying harder in school. One of these days your lack of studying is going to catch up to you and you're going to regret it," said Ikuko as I bowed my head in shame and listened to the familiar lecture.  
  
"I'm sorry mama but I'm trying harder," I said as I met my mothers gaze.  
  
"I know but your father and I would be so proud if, just once, you could bring home a passing grade."  
  
I crawled upstairs and into my room. Another day, another lecture, and then there was Luna. It was nice to have a talking cat but when Luna gets into one of her "I know more than you ever will" modes she can be down right cruel. Luna lectured me for a good hour on the importance of schoolwork and then the importance of my job as Sailor Moon. I was about ready to jump out the window, literally.  
  
Then after that start to the day I had gone to meet Mamoru for our date. Ha some date. Mamoru dumped me almost as soon as he entered the room. He didn't even bother to sit down. Now that brings us back to me running, crying, and ready to die. I finally stopped running and looked up. I don't know how, maybe it's some built in survival skill, but I ran straight home. As I walked up to the door mom opened it and I ran into her waiting arms.  
  
"Come on in sweetie I'll make you some cocoa," said Ikuko as she hugged me.  
  
"Thanks mom," I said as I returned her hug.  
  
"A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails." Anonymous  
  
Two weeks without my Mamo chan. No I can't say that he's not mine anymore, he dumped me. I feel like part of me is dead especially every time I see him with Chibi Usa. I hate the little spore but every time I see her with him something about it looks right, but at the same time wrong. It's like a part of the picture is missing. No time to mope over lost loves it's time to pick up the little spore from school. It's funny, as much as I hate her I want to protect the little fungus.  
  
"Usagi! Come on I want to go to the arcade," shouts Chibi Usa as she flags me down.  
  
"We can't go today because Mama wanted us home right away, remember?" I asked as I grabbed onto her backpack to restrain her.  
  
"Oh come on Usagi I know you want to go."  
  
"No we have to go home, besides there are probably some fresh cookies waiting for you."  
  
"Cookies! Race you home Usagi."  
  
"You're on."  
  
"Last one home washes the dishes."  
  
"Deal."  
  
"Ok. One, two, GO!"  
  
"Hey that's not fair! Come back here you little spore!"  
  
I chased her all the way home through fits of laughter. "She's just like me at that age," I thought as I walked into the house to see Chibi Usa and Shingo sharing a plate of cookies.  
  
"I beat you Usagi!" said Chibi Usa as she triumphantly held a cookie like her trophy.  
  
"Guess that means I'm doing dishes tonight," I said as I slipped into my house slippers. "Well I'm going up to study." I didn't feel like doing anything else, well maybe mope some more about Mamo chan.  
  
"Are you ok Usagi?" asked Shino as he gave me a funny look from his seat. "Don't you want a cookie?"  
  
"No that's ok you two enjoy them."  
  
"Mom Usagi's sick!"  
  
"No I'm not I'm just not hungry that's all."  
  
Both of them gave me funny looks as I carried my bag upstairs and closed the door behind me. I pulled out my desk chair and took a seat. I opened my bag and set my math book in front of me with every intention of studying but when I opened the cover I saw a piece of red paper. "What's this?" I asked myself as I unfolded it and started reading it.  
  
"Usako,  
  
I'll see you later but I just couldn't wait to tell you. I love you. See you tonight. Oh and remember to wear your pink dress. I love you.  
  
Love, Mamoru"  
  
Fresh tears filled my eyes as I remembered that date. He had picked me up with a dozen red roses in his hand, always roses. He told me a thousand times over that night that he would love me forever, liar. I started ripping the paper without seeing it, before long all I had was a pile of red confetti and fresh tearstains on my cheeks.  
  
I didn't go down to dinner so I suppose I was asking for the knock that came later. I didn't answer it. Even Luna wasn't here tonight and I was having a great time at my pity party. But the knocking continued even as I tried to bury my head under my pillows. Then it stopped, good riddance.  
  
"Usagi?" The little voice was almost too sweet to belong to the person using it. "Usagi can I come in?"  
  
"Come on in Chibi Usa," I said as I crawled out from under my pillows and dried my tears.  
  
The small pink haired girl timidly entered my room. She was dressed in her pink pajamas already and clutching Luna P in her arms. I wanted to hug her on the spot.  
  
"What wrong Usagi? Why are you so sad?"  
  
"Come here little one," I said as I patted the bed next to me. Chibi Usa climbed onto the bed and I wrapped my arms protectively around her. It's funny but just holding onto her I felt something familiar.  
  
"Did I make you mad Usagi?" she asked as she snuggled closer to me. "I don't mean to make you mad even if it seems like I do."  
  
"I'm not mad at you munchkin I'm mad at myself."  
  
"Why?"  
  
Such an innocent question with such a complicated answer. Looking into her cinnamon eyes I couldn't tell her that the man she seemed to have so much fun around, the one that I loved as much as life, was the cause of my sorrow. I couldn't tell her that I didn't want to live anymore. I couldn't tell her, she was too young. "I'm mad at myself because I lost something that I can't have back ever again."  
  
"Can't you look for it and find it? Maybe I could help and then we'll find it together."  
  
"It's not something that can be found."  
  
"Then how can I make you feel better?"  
  
"You can make me feel better just by being you Chibi Usa."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yep. I lost something that left a big whole in my heart. You fill it back up just by being here with me," I said as I lifted her onto my lap. "How bout I let you sleep here tonight."  
  
"Yeah! Can we even listen to your locket before bed, please," she begged as she gave me her best puppy dog face.  
  
My locket? I had forgotten about my locket, our locket. I looked over to my dresser and sure enough there it sat collecting dust like it had memories so long ago. I placed Chibi Usa on the bed and tucked the covers over her. Then I picked up the locket. "How did you know that this played a song?"  
  
"It looks like a musical locket that my mommy has. I though yours played a song too."  
  
"You're right it does," I said as I wiped the thin layer of dust off the golden cover. "Chibi Usa do you miss your mommy and daddy?"  
  
"Sometimes I really miss them but then I see you or Mamo chan and I don't feel so lonely anymore. You remind me of my mommy," whispered Chibi Usa as she slid further under the covers.  
  
"I'll play the locket for you. Now close your eyes and go to sleep."  
  
"Good night Usagi."  
  
"Good night Chibi Usa."  
  
I opened the locket and a melody that I could never forget drifted across my memory. Each note reminded me of what I had been trying so hard to forget. I moved to the window leaving the locket on the bed and I looked up to my guardian, my home, the moon. Just the sight of it increased the intensity of the memories. The first time I had given him the locket on my balcony. The last time he gave it to me after the battle.  
  
Under the light of the moon with my little munchkin in my bed I remembered. I saw the love that was still in my heart and I could almost feel it still in his. The locket had stopped playing now but the melody kept repeating in my mind. Even if he didn't love me I could still live, I could still love him if only from across the room. I turned back to the pink haired child now fast asleep in my bed and smiled. She had rekindled my heart.  
  
"Thank you," I whispered as I crawled into bed beside her and drifted off to sleep.  
  
"Every mans life is a fairy-tale written by God's fingers." Hans Christian Anderson  
  
I was getting married! Mamo chan was dressed in a tux and I was in a wonderful gown. The church was filled with flowers and I could see all my friends in attendance as I walked down the isle. As soon as I said I do the church exploded and a force tore me away from Mamoru and then my world exploded around me.  
  
"Mamo-chan!" I screamed as I sat straight up in bed. Luna was sleeping in Chibi Usa's room for the night so I didn't have to worry about her hearing me. I looked around my room realizing that it was only a dream. Then my eyes fell on the picture of Mamoru and I sitting in the park. As I watched my picture slumped over and the frame cracked and fell to the floor. I screamed and this time my mother heard me. "Are you ok Usagi?"  
  
"Fine mom it was just a bad dream," I called back from behind my closed door.  
  
"Well if you want to talk about it I'm right here."  
  
"Thanks mom but I'm fine."  
  
I heard her sigh and head downstairs to start breakfast. I reached down to the floor and picked up the picture, it was fine. Two faces smiled back at me from behind the broken glass. "Weird."  
  
All day at school I thought about my dream and what it meant. I was sure it was a premonition of danger but I wasn't sure what kind. Maybe I could convince Mamoru that he needed to talk to me if it concerned my safety. After all he still came to my rescue as Tuxedo Kamen when we were in battle, so he still cared about me, he had to.  
  
I ran straight from school to the arcade in hopes of cornering him there. I ran through the doors and straight to the counter. Motoki smiled when he saw me and motioned that he would be just a minute. I waved back and looked about the arcade for a familiar head of black hair, I didn't see it.  
  
"Hi Usagi nice to see you here again," said Motoki as he leaned on the counter in front of me. "What can I get for you?"  
  
"I'll take a chocolate shake and Mamoru please," I said with one of my patented smiles.  
  
"The chocolate shake I can get but Mamoru is another matter."  
  
"Do you at least know if he's gonna be here today?"  
  
"He usually comes in about now. Wait a bit and he'll show."  
  
"Thanks Motoki."  
  
I left the counter and headed over to the Sailor V games to wait. I hadn't been to the arcade since we broke up and I could feel the old thrill returning to me as I stepped up to the machine. Five minutes later as Game Over flashed across the screen I realized just how out of practice I was. I trudged back to the counter to retrieve my shake.  
  
"Cheer up Usagi I'm sure you'll be back up to speed in no time," said Motoki as he handed me my chocolate shake.  
  
"It's gonna take a bit but I'll do it!" I vowed as I held my shake up high.  
  
"Don't look now but here comes Mamoru."  
  
"Don't tell him I'm here. I wan to surprise him."  
  
"You got it."  
  
I ran off to sit in a booth where he wouldn't see me and run away. My heart started doing flip-flops as I heard the doors open and he walked in. He still looked the same. Dark hair smooth and silky and slightly over his eyes. That quirky smile that I love so much on his face as he greeted Motoki. I heard his laughter as Motoki told him something and I nearly melted. Same sexy voice too. Well here goes.  
  
I crept slowly until I was right behind him then I tapped his shoulder. His very muscular shoulder, was it possible that he had gotten cuter in our time apart? He jerked around and his piercing blue eyes turned dark as he realized who had tapped him. His chiseled features hardened into stone as he frowned at me.  
  
"What do you want Usagi chan?" His voice sounded cold.  
  
"I just, I thought.."  
  
"There's your problem Usagi you're thinking and you know you don't do that very well. Why don't you just go back to your games and save some of those brain cells for another day?"  
  
"Baka Mamoru don't interrupt me!" I shouted as I struggled to fight back the tears that were forming my eyes. Curse my emotional personality, I had to do this.  
  
"The eyes are the windows to the soul." Unknown  
  
I was shocked when I looked back into his eyes again. They were surprised. The dark blue color pooled together into a mirror of his feelings and I knew. No one with eyes that beautiful could hate me as much as he claimed he did. He loved me too. I was sure of it.  
  
"Mamo-chan," I said taking one of his hands in my own and looking into his eyes. They were starting to turn into that horrible near black state that meant he was blocking me out. "No matter what you say, or what you do, I want you to know that I still love you."  
  
"Usagi," he whispered but I put a finger to his lips to silence him.  
  
"Mamo-chan please let me finish. I know that you love me too. Go ahead and try to deny your heart but your eyes will always tell me what I need to hear. I'll be waiting for you Mamo-chan." I dropped his hand from mine and walked away. I didn't even look back to see the shocked look on both Mamoru and Motoki's faces. Now he knew just how strong I was and how much I really loved him. Maybe now he would talk to me.  
  
* * *  
  
His eyes haunted me as I sat by my window that night looking up at the moon. Those two tiny blue windows had shown me everything I needed to know. The waiting would be the challenge. Mamoru was stubborn. I knew this from all the times I tried to pull him away from his text books to have some fun. A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. Ami used to be just as bad but it had been much easier to get her to loosen up than Mamoru.  
  
Looking down at the treetops I could remember when he used to sit there watching over me after a battle. He was so protective, quite literally, my prince in shining armor. I heard the door creak open and turned around to see Chibi Usa standing there looking at me with two very worried cinnamon eyes. I never noticed how they held the same love as Mamoru's.  
  
"Usagi are you ok now?" she asked as I turned to face her.  
  
"I'm much better munchkin. Come here and I'll read you a story before bed."  
  
"Really!" Her eyes lit up and she nearly flew across the room into my arms. "Thank you Usagi!"  
  
"Ok now settle down. Crawl up in bed and I'll get a book. What story would you like to hear?"  
  
"Sleeping Beauty," requested Chibi Usa, "Cause she reminds me of mommy."  
  
"All right then Sleeping Beauty coming up," I said grabbing the well- read book and returning to bed. "Once upon a time there lived a very kind and generous king and queen and their only daughter Aurora."  
  
Chibi Usa listened as I read the tale. The curse put on the princess of eternal sleep and the only cure the kiss of her true love. As the valiant knight slaid the dragon guarding the enchanted castle her eyes drooped closed and her breathing evened out to that of sleep. I set the book down and tucked the covers up closer around us as I too slipped into the land of dreams.  
  
"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were." Anonymous  
  
I went to the park after school. I should have gone straight home but mom and dad we're going to be late and Chibi Usa was over at a friend's house. Shingo was in detention tonight instead of me so I was enjoying the free time to myself. I walked past our bench. Not too long ago Mamo-chan and I sat here and shared a few loving words and many more kisses. I sat down and closed my eyes willing Mamoru to be next to me when I opened them again.  
  
Of course he wasn't. I looked around the park and saw several other couples strolling hand in hand along the paths. I didn't bother to get up I just watched with longing. I missed having someone to spend my time with. A look at my watch told me mom would be home and working on dinner about now so I headed home.  
  
People I met on the street must have thought me paranoid because I was stopping at every corner. Years of running into people at high speed tend to make one cautious but really I was looking for Mamoru. He wasn't on the street or even in the parked cars. Funny how every red car suddenly looked like his. I could hear Rei's voice in the back of my mind chiding me for mooning over him.  
  
"Baka Usagi what do you even see in him?" asks the Rei in my mind.  
  
"What did you see in him?"  
  
"That's not what I asked."  
  
"He's my prince we're destined."  
  
"Destiny is over rated."  
  
"Your just jealous."  
  
"Am not."  
  
"Are too"  
  
About this time the imaginary versions of Rei and myself started making faces at one another and sticking out their tongs. I was mumbling under my breath about what a baka Rei was that I didn't even see the steps coming. Miraculously I made the first one but missed the second one and was headed straight for a face plant on the front porch when someone caught me.  
  
I was braced for a hard impact but instead of the air rushing out of my lungs I heard it rushing out of someone else's. I didn't dare hope that it was Mamoru. He wouldn't come here, not now, unless, maybe. I allowed myself to breathe again and smelled roses. Tears threatened to fall even though I wasn't hurt. He picked me up and sat us down on the steps in front of my house. I wanted to talk but all I could do was stare at him, my Mamo-chan.  
  
"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." Judy Garland  
  
"Usagi I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you," he said as he held me tight. "I was wrong to push you away and I realize that now. I'm not as strong as you are. I was afraid. Afraid that I would end up hurting you by being near you. Usako I'm so sorry can you forgive me?"  
  
My reflection in his eyes was startling. Just being this close to him was doing things to me I had almost forgotten. I couldn't speak so I nodded and wrapped myself around him in a hug.  
  
"Usako," he said peeling me off of him after a while. "I need to tell you why I did what I did to you. I owe you that at least. You see I kept having this dream and every time I went near you there was an explosion and you died. Then this voice tells me to stay away from you or it'll really happen."  
  
I gasped and found my voice, "That's what this has been about? Our wedding dream?"  
  
"How'd you know it was set at our wedding?"  
  
"I had the same dream the other night, minus the creepy voice."  
  
"I've been having that dream every night and each time it scares me more."  
  
"Why didn't you tell me sooner Mamo-chan?" I asked looking straight at him. "Don't you know that no matter what happens to me I'll still love you?"  
  
"I was afraid and that's my only defense. I should have trusted you to be understanding and told you the truth from the start. Can you forgive me for being so stubborn?"  
  
"On one condition," I said as I leaned in closer to his lips.  
  
"And that is?"  
  
"That you kiss me and make it all better."  
  
"Now that I can do," said Mamoru as he leaned in and closed the distance between their lips.  
  
This feels so right! That was the last conscious thought I had as we drifted into one another. The kiss went on and on repairing the damage done to our hearts and souls. It wasn't until a pink haired brat opened the door and screamed loud enough to wake the dead that I remembered exactly where I had been making out with my boyfriend.  
  
"What are you doing with my Mamo-chan!" screamed Chibi Usa as she jumped between us and placed possessive arms around Mamoru.  
  
"He's my Mamo-chan you little spore so hands off," I replied as I tried to drag her off him. Of course Chibi Usa stubbornly wrapped her arms around Mamoru's neck and so in the process of trying to rid us of the pink haired pest I was choking my poor Mamo-chan.  
  
"Usagi is that you," called a male voice from inside the house.  
  
"Yes daddy I'll be in in a minute."  
  
Mamoru went pale if that was possible since he was also turning blue from lack of air. "Usa," he gasped. "Let go."  
  
"But she's not your girlfriend I am," I protested as I pulled harder.  
  
"Back off ondongo brain he's mine!" said Chibi Usa as she blew a raspberry at me.  
  
"Let go spore he's MY boyfriend."  
  
"Usa please..."  
  
"Honey is there a boy out there with you?"  
  
"Usa..." Mamoru had a panicked look in his eyes as they kept darting back and forth between Usagi and the open front door.  
  
"Ikuko where's my baseball bat? I think there's a boy on the porch with Usagi."  
  
"In the bedroom closet dear," said Ikuko. Then without missing a beat, "Usagi I suggest you let Mamoru go home now before your father kills him."  
  
Somewhere in my mind a bit of my consciousness registered my mother's warning and I let go of Chibi Usa. She was so startled that I let go, that both her and Mamoru went tumbling backwards down the stairs. Neither one was hurt but the fall broke Chibi Usa's grip on his neck and Mamoru, with speed I'd only seen Tuxedo Kamen use, handed me a single rose and kissed my cheek before he took off down the road.  
  
I sighed as I watched him race off. He might be deathly afraid of my father but he loved me. He loved me! I wanted to scream it at the top of my lungs. I twirled around and floated up the steps and into the house right past my father who was looking disappointed.  
  
"Where's the boy? I know there was a boy here a minute ago," he mumbled to himself as he ran back and forth along the porch searching the bushes for "the boy".  
  
"Perfect love is rare indeed - for to be a lover will require that you continually have the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain." Leo Buscaglia  
  
***** ***** *****  
  
Authors Note: This was sitting on my hard drive for over 2 years and I just recently completed it. I'm getting back into the writing mode after a long absence so feedback, both good and bad, is appreciated.  
  
E-mail the author - k340029@excite.com 


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